that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
