she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
