$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
