Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
