So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
