you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
