I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
