How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
