I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have demons in me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
