can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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