You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
