I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
