why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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