im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
