I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
