We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
