Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
