The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
