Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
