oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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