5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
