i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
