3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
