I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
