I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
