So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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