you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
