the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
