True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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