that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
