whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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