I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
