My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
