I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We left the knife in your bed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
