just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
