Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
