Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
