Walk of Shame. In a state park.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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