How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
