I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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