Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
