come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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