my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
