you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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