Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
