Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
