Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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