so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
