I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
