You're my little dorito
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
