Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
