So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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