hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's rum buckets o'clock
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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