haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
