I showed him my bush... on skype.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
