How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
