When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
