She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
