I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
